A Rant, Sorry.

I hate it here most of the time. I can’t do anything- I can’t go to a restaurant because I can’t order. I don’t know what businesses are because I can’t read Korean. I can’t even go to a grocery store for basic things like laundry soap because I can’t read the packages. Usually I just get things based on the pictures, but even then I don’t know how to prepare them (i.e. food). I’m making things up for just about everything. I figured out how to make a mushroom ramyeon (ramen) soup, but maybe not the right way? I had to ask people how to get hot water for a shower, and even then didn’t really get it right until maybe the 4th shower. I still don’t know how to use liquid fabric softener. My machine washer runs maybe 4 or 5 cycles, so I never put it in at the right time. My clothes come out wrinkled and crunchy every time. And I had to send Kate a picture from my phone of my thermostat because I didn’t know how to turn on my heat and I was tired of freezing. I have no friends I can get to without a huge production in time and planning, and even still, the buses and subways stop running at 1030-11pm, so I can’t see them during the week, or even stay out on the weekends without a very expensive taxi ride home. I’m alone all the time, even when people are around. I only have two people I can call to say hi or bitch about my day, and I don’t want to overburden them. I haven’t seen a single foreigner between home and either school even once since I arrived. And I’m getting really tired of being stared at everywhere I go. People sit still through traffic lights because they are staring at me and don’t see the light change. I’ve seen a couple of near-collisions for the same reason. And it’s not like they’re subtle. They stare, full-on at me, mouths open. How do you say WTF in Korean? Even a cat I passed in the park meowed, and looked at me like “Huh?”

Yet for all that, I am invisible. A man stepped in front of me today on the sidewalk and stopped, blocking my path. I said, “Excuse me” in both English and Korean, and nothing. I had to squeeze by him to keep going. Most people either give me a wide berth, cross the street to avoid me, or run right into me and look at me like I’m the rude one for being in their way. I’m confused- for as much as they seem to value learning English in their culture, they resent the Americans they bring here to teach it. I’m a pariah. They need me, resent me, and can’t understand why I would want to leave my own country, even for a year. Most Koreans can’t fathom ever wanting to leave their beloved Korea.

The only thing I’ve got is my dog. I truly couldn’t survive this place without him. When I’m sad, stressed, or angry, he cuddles with me and kisses me until I feel better. He curls up with me on the bed until I start to fall asleep, then leaves for his own bed on a blanket on the floor next to me. He takes good care of me. Although it was difficult and expensive to bring him with him, it was the best decision I could’ve made.